pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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