fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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