I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
not ubering you a puppy
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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