I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
