My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
