i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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