I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
