She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
