I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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