i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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