Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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