I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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