Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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