It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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