I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
