I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
