Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
