I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I need a burrito and a hug.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
