I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize