the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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