I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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