listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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