you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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