It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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