I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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