You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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