I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
