No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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