My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
