So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
