hotel room ftw
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
