Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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