ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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