1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
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