hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
