ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
And then my night got REAL pukey
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
