I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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