There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
