got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
