apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
