Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
