OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
