i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
