We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
