i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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