Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
