a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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