Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
