It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
