dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
