carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
