I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
