why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
