im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
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