babies were throwing up all over the place
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
