I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
