I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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