High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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