She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
