Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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