i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
