I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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