Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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