I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
