We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
